i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
