So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
the liver wants what the liver wants
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
