At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
