get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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