Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
