We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize