You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
