i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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