I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
