Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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