We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
