Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
