cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
