your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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