She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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