Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
