my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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