There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
