JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
