dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My liver just had a heart attack.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
