We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
