I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
