i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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