Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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