I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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