so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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