i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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