apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
