The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
