oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
