How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
