All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Welp...herpes.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize