Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Drake has all the answers
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize