my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
