And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
