Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
