oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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