Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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