I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize