Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
