at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
