Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
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