Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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