i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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