I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
