i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
