YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
