you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
