I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
