I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
