I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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