i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
