question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
