yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
