So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
