i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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