dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
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