My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
