I got chris browned last night
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
