after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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