i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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