why do cheetos always look like penises
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
